you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
