apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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