I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
