I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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