Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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