she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize