Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
