I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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