At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
