I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
