this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well I just put wine in my tea
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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