you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Is it penis luge time yet?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize