next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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