Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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