it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
