Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
