Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
