I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
