hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
