After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
