oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
