Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
