i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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