I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
