go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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