mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
