speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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