They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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