Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
