y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
