the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
