i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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