Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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