The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
