So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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