I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you had me at cake vodka
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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