I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
