so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
