i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize