Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
