i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
