Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
