On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Enjoy the penises
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
