drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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