she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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