Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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