Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You ruined the universe
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
