Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
