THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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