i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
