what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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