the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
