Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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