His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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