All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
