OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
