she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
