you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
