In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
