Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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