Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
