Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
