After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize