He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
