I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
