New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
