Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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