Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
