he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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