my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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