i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
