happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
