do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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