it was like his penis was on wheels.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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