How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
