Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
