i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
