Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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