if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
