I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
