Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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