I wish my penis had an off switch
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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