I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
