I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
