I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i already hear my dad disowning me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Drake has all the answers
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
