Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have feelings that need drinking.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize