I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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