Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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