Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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