Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
