Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize