What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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