His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
