she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
