I'm drive I can fine osifer
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
