She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
