insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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