I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
