So many bounce houses so little time
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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